Characters

This is FromRimToHub’s carefully compiled (but yet to be completed) list of the characters, even the minor ones, that populate the Discworld.

Notes: The entries are alphabetized by last name, if given. Agatean names are alphatized as given, except in the rare cases a last name is clear (as in Twoflower and his daughters.) If no name is given, the title (such as “Lady” or “Patrician”) will be used for alphabetization.

The two books used so far in compiling this one hundred character-long list are Interesting Times (ISBN 0-060105690-1) and Mort (ISBN 0-06-102068-0).

Great A’Tuin

A’Tuin, the giant space turtle, carries the monumental weight of four giant elephants on its comet-scarred and meteor-pitted shell, in addition to the Discworld on the four elephants’ backs. Great A’Tuin, for all that he is the star and world turtle for Discworld, will one day die.

King Artorollo

King Artorollo, a little squeaky-voiced fat man, was king of Ankh 2000 years ago.

Granny Beedle

A witch.

Binky

Since Death gave up on the skeletal horses, Binky has had his turn at being Death’s well-fed, very flesh-and-blood steed. The white horse has a very proud trot, steams when he’s hot, creates sparks when his hooves hit the cobbles, and wears an ornate silver saddle—but for all that is very friendly and affectionate.

Black Celestial Dragon of Fire

The Agatean version of Death.

Mr. Boggis

Mr. Boggis trains young apprentice thieves for the Thieves Guild.

Spooner Boggis

Old Spooner Boggis was one of the many victims of Mad Lord Snapcase’s nastiness and made to eat his own nose. Lord Snapcase was hanged by his figgin as a direct result.

Bruce the Hoon

The barbarian invader Bruce the Hoon, leader of the Skeletal Riders, was never careful, according to former acquaintance and continual admirer Truckle the Uncivil. When he attacked Al Khali at the main guard tower, however, he was killed and his head displayed on a spike.

“Never one for back gates, Bruce the Hoon … When Bruce the Hoon attacked Al Khali, he did it right at the main guard tower, with a thousand screaming men on very small horses.” [Interesting Times, pg. 228]

The Bursar of the Unseen University

The Bursar of the Unseen University is not merely strange – his mental cycle carries him past insane and back. Sometimes he is even vaguely on the right planet. He takes medication (dried frog pills) for his condition. He also sleepwalks.

The Bursar was not technically insane. He had passed through the rapids of insanity some time previously, and was now sculling around in some peaceful pool on the other side. He was often quite coherent, although not by normal human standards.[Interesting Times, pg. 19]

Caleb the Ripper

This barbarian has killed more than four hundred men with his bare hands, and all before he was eighty-six years old. When fighting he uses teak to great success. And at any hint of sexual ennui:

“ – hur, hur, hur … sorry – ” [Interesting Times, pg. 220]

Catroaster

Found floating face-down in the Ankh, dead, just after stating his famous dictum, “when a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry.” This situation implies that he was probably killed by one of the Guild of Merchants’ hired thugs.

Chair of Indefinite Studies of the Unseen University

A wizard at the Unseen University.

Chamberlain

The chamberlain of the Sto Lat castle.

Chancellor

The crusty chancellor of the Sto Lat castle.

Clancy

Clancy is War’s seven-year-old daughter, but that hasn’t stopped her from joining the Pony Club.

Genghiz Cohen

Though he’s often described as ancient, Genghiz Cohen’s barbarian adventures have placed him in legend. The element of surprise has served him well in combat, and he’s not above pretending to be frail, either, if it will make his enemies reduce their guard.

Something seemed to have gone wrong with the ageing process there. Cohen had always been a barbarian hero because barbaric heroing was all he knew how to do. And while he got old he seemed to get harder, like oak. [Interesting Times, pg. 66]

Cohen, though he does smell of goat and unwashed lion, has a basic charisma: He gets along with trolls, when he isn’t fighting them; he curses, without offending; and he’s pleasant, if he has no reason to kill you.

“What brings you into this dump, then?”

“Well – ”

“Interestin’,” said Cohen, and that was that. [Interesting Times, pg. 66]

In the ninety or ninety-five years he’s been alive, Cohen has moved from the Ramtops to as far as the Agatean Empire and Ephebe, owned slaves, been a slave, broken down city gates (once with his head), bounty-hunted, fought with swords, bows, spears, and clubs, and even settled down to raise pigs, a venture that lasted only a few hours.

“Isn’t it dangerous, going around the Hub?” said Rincewind.

“Used to be,” said Cohen, grinning horribly.

“Until you left, you mean?”

“S’right … ” [Interesting Times, pg. 67]

Cohen – a “basic natural force on legs” – never truly imprisoned, not too questioning, and always wrong. He’s generally intelligent in some areas. He knows the psychology of the fighting man, and can speak Agatean, and has a certain kind of thinking that will get things done, if not in a conventional fashion. He isn’t good at counting though, so it isn’t any wonder he doesn’t know how old he is (and he is very old).

Despite the bitter wind he was wearing nothing except a leather loincloth and a grubby beard so long that the loincloth wasn’t really necessary, at least from the point of view of decency … He had a patch over one eye but rather more notable than that were his teeth. They glittered. [Interesting Times, pg. 64]

He’s unhygienic; he smokes; and his greatest happiness is to kill in battle and sit on a big pile of treasure, which disappears soon afterward on drink and high living.

Gems glittered in the morning light. Every tooth in the man’s head was diamond. And Rincewind knew of only one man who had the nerve to wear troll teeth. [Interesting Times, pg. 64]

Crowdie the Strong

A barbarian, now deceased.

Igneous Cutwell

Igneous Cutwell, DM (Unseen), Marster of the Infinit, Illuminartus, Wyzard to Princes, Gardian of the Sacred Portalls, If Out leave Maile with Mrs. Nugent Next Door [Mort, pg. 59]

And in addition to all that, Igneous Cutwell has claimed these other titles in the course of his life: Holder of the Eight Keys, Traveler in the Dungeon Dimensions, Supreme Mage, Royal Recognizer (for Princess Kelirehenna), Wizard First Grade (UU), Master of the Queen’s Bedchamber, and His Ipississumussness.

For all that, he eats messily and constantly (and is therefore fat), and apparently achieved all that in the only twenty years of his life so far. The smoking wizard has a round, plump, good-humoured face (of pink-and-white complexion) with absolutely no beard and curly hair, and is constantly grubby. Even his pointy hat, the essential tool of wizards, is old-looking and not well-kept (though by the looks of it, it hadn’t been very nice to begin with).

Keli was used towizards as a sort of fur-trimmed small mountain with a wheezy voice, and Igneous Cutwell didn’t quite fit the mage image.

He was young. Well, that couldn’t be helped; presumably even wizards had to start off young. He didn’t have a beard, and the only thing his rather grubby robe was trimmed with was frayed edges. [Mort, pg. 93]

That is, until Princess Kelirehenna appointed him Royal Recognizer, when he became a very flashy dresser (though still with food stains). One outfit included a black-and-white robe with sequins, a very tall pointed hat with mystic symbols, and red velvet shoes with silver buckles and curled toes.

The Dean of the Unseen University

Known simply as the Dean, the extremely heavy wizard hates foreigners and Hex.

Death

Tall and skeletal (and therefore skinny), the Death of Discworld does what any grim reaper does—in his own words (which conveniently bypass the ears), USHERS SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. He is the traditional hooded specter (aside from the conspicuous lack of a skeletal steed, since he’s found that the flesh-and-blood Binky works much better). With a black cloak and the scythe, his body a smooth, polished, slightly yellowed skeleton with all-but-empty eyesockets—two piercingly small blue stars set way back serve for eyes—through which smoke escapes when Death smokes pipes. Death is impressive but not scary (perhaps his continual grin has something to do with that). His appearance is lost on most people, who don’t allow themselves to see Death walking around. The exceptions are witches, wizards, possibly sorcerers and necromancers, cats, and of course those whose time has come.

“What was your job again?” said Lezek, talking to a black-robed skeleton without showing even a flicker of surprise.

I USHER SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD, said Death.

“Ah,” said Lezek, “of course, sorry, should have guessed from the clothes. Very necessary work, very steady. Established business?”

I HAVE BEEN GOING FOR SOME TIME, YES, said Death.

“Good. Good. Never really thought of it as a job for Mort, you know, but it’s good work, good work, always very reliable. What’s your name?”

DEATH….

“Can’t say I recognize the firm.” said Lezek. “Where are you based exactly?”

FROM THE UTTERMOST DEPTHS OF THE SEA TO THE HEIGHTS WHERE EVEN THE EAGLE MAY NOT GO, said Death.

“That’s fair enough,” nodded Lezek.[Mort, pg. 12]

Death, as Death, has some very specific job specifications. The conception that Death kills people is technically untrue—he merely lets them go on to whatever comes next. In most cases, For kings’ souls, he uses a white-handled sword which he hangs from his heavy belt. But usually he visits quite ordinary people, and for them, the traditional scythe is used. With all this, you may imagine, he has quite a lot to think about.

As an anthropomorphic personification, the Death of Discworld has a number of supernatural characteristics. One is that he can get anywhere, using transdimensional hyper-jumps, without ostentation. He does without sleep, since he never gets tired. And he’ll never die. (Now that would be interesting.) Crowds never bother him, since people just drift out of his way. However, he is also somewhat limited; he has little imagination (especially in terms of color), so he has never been able to create things on his own, only copy what he’s seen. He is void of human emotions (well, he has no glands to feel with).

But Death is human-shaped, and therefore has some human characteristics as well. He really doesn’t quite understand humans, but likes to act like them. He likes curry and cats. He once tried to take up the banjo, and has studied graphology (with the result that his handwriting indicates a balanced personality). He even, in a fit of what might have been pity, adopted Ysabell off a shipwreck when she was a baby. He doesn’t like witches and wizards much, but generally doesn’t care if people are good or bad, as long as they’re punctual (and aren’t mean to cats). He gets described by people who know him well as “not such a bad master” and “quite nice if you get to know him [in an absent-minded kind of way].”

“Throat” Dibbler

Dibbler, the famous enterprising street merchant of Ankh-Morpork, is famous for his flaky merchandise (often sausages in buns or hotdogs on sticks), which somehow or another always gets sold and always gets paid for, however miserable the customer may feel afterward.

Disembowel-Meself-Honorably Dibhala

Dibhala is the Dibbler of Hunghung, enterprising trader of rice cakes, tea, Hundred-Year-Old Eggs, and strange things wrapped in leaves.

Fafa the Dwarf

This dwarf sold Boy Willie a sword for fifty dollars, and has yet to be paid.

Lord Fang

Lord Fang, one of the five warlords of the Agatean Empire, met his demise at the hands (feet?) of the Luggage and his new-fledged family.

Fate

Fate, his eyes dark with flecks of what look like stars, always wins the games of the gods, if everyone follows the rules. The Lady, who he accuses of cheating, is his ancient enemy.

Captain Five Hong Man

Five Hong Man is a captain under Lord Hong’s command.

Five Tongs

Five Tongs has been the district commissioner of Bes Pelargic for three years and lives on the Street of Heavens.

Five White Fang

Five White Fang is a small, pale, vulnerable private in the Agatean warlords’ army. He usually conveniently deserts the army in time for battle and rejoins in the revel afterward.

Four Big Horns

Under the former Sun Emperor of the Agatean Empire, Four Big Horns was the Grand Assistant to the Lord Chamberlain, but quick thinking and fast learning promoted him to Lord Chamberlain under Cohen’s rule.

Four Big Sandal

Four Big Sandal, though only of the pung class in the Agatean Empire, is a member of the Hunghung cadre of the revolutionary Red Army.

Captain Four White Fox

our White Fox is the captain of the Hunghungese guard.

Goobar the Wake

Goobar the Wake died in bed, to the disappointment of other barbarians.

The Great Wizard

The Great Wizard of Agatean legend assisted the Sun Emperor in unifying the Counterweight Continent. He flew a kite to harness the lightning during a storm and used it to energize his clay Red Army.

The Green Necromancer of the Night

The Green Necromancer of the Night once met Cohen, and Cohen did something gruesome. Probably terminally so.

Mad Hamish

Mad Hamish, though nearly death and confined to a wheelchair, is still an active barbarian in the Silver Horde and continues to wear a helmet with horns. His barbarian history includes a stint as a mercenary in Koom Valley.

Lord Hong

Lord Hong is twenty-six years old, and already perfect at everything he tries: kite-flying, water-coloring, poetry, origami, chess, and especially sword-making, an art that usually takes twenty years to perfect but took him three weeks (he likes to use his hands). He attributes his own record-breaking time to humanity’s lack of concentration.

Lord Hong had a Grand Vizier’s talent for apparently turning up out of nowhere. His gaze swept the kitchens. It was certainly the only housework that he had ever done. [Interesting Times, pg. 249]

With such a sharp (if wickedly curved) mind, he has clawed his way to the top of the Hong family and grand vizier-ship of the Agatean Empire, quarreling with Lord Tang in Bes Pelargic along the way. When he is angry, he speaks slowly and smiles all the time, as those who know him well know. People have learned to respect, and even be afraid of, the thin, handsome person, and, wisely, always applaud.

Lord Hong wore very small, very circular steel-rimmed spectacles. When asked to describe him, people often used the word “smooth” or even “lacquered.”*

*And often the phrase “a bastard you don’t want to cross, and I didn’t say that.” [Interesting Times, pg. 31]

Lord Hong has an obsession with Ankh-Morpork, a city whose qualities he ardently admires. He has spies everywhere in the Agatean Empire, but has agents even in overseas Ankh-Morpork. He speaks Ankh-Morporkian, probably perfectly.

Lord Hong believes in coincidence more than magic, and certainties more than luck. Unfortunately for him, he died when a Barking Dog went off in front of him, forcing him to confront the dead, to whom he had contributed so many.

Hrun

Hrun started out as a barbarian, but at around forty decided to go for a job with a pension, as sergeant of the guard somewhere.

Io

Io, the god of thunder and lightning, doesn’t bother much with humans except as subjects of the storms.

Noodle Jackson

A contemporary of Rincewind’s at the Unseen University, Noodle Jackson was one of those popular students who always managed to get others into trouble.

Lady Jade Night

A member of the Agatean court

The Immortal Jenkins

A barbarian

“Bloody Stupid” Johnson

The notoriously absent-minded inventor has turned his hand to almost everything, including landscaping. The fact that he knows no basic math is no deterrent, though it does cause some interesting results, like exploding sundials.

District Commissioner Kee

Kee is a district commissioner in the Agatean Empire and commands provincial soldiers.

The Lady

Nobody knows whether the green-eyed Lady is a god herself, but she plays their games, and with an interesting strategy. She never sacrifices a pawn, to the mystification of Fate, her ancient enemy.

“How can you hope to win without sacrificing the occasional pawn?”

“Oh, I never play to win.” She smiled. “But I do play not to lose. Watch …”

Lecturer in Recent Runes at the Unseen University

Almost the only thing we know about the Lecturer in Recent Runes is that he, like the Dean, dislikes Hex.

Leonard of Quirm

Leonard of Quirm is Discworld’s equivalent of the real-life Leonardo da Vinci, down to the notebooks and drawings.

The Librarian

The Unseen University’s uniquely orangutan-like Librarian is more of an advantage for the University than not, with both human and animal instincts in his command the Librarian is well able to avert trouble and danger.

“Am I alone in thinking, by the way, that it doesn’t add to thestatus of this University to have an ape on the faculty?” [said the Dean]

“Yes,” said Ridcully flatly. “You are. We’ve got the only librarian who can rip off your arm with his leg. People respect that. Only the other day the head of the Thieves’ Guild was asking me if we could turn their librarian into an ape and, besides, he’s the only one of you buggers who stays awake more’n an hour a day …” [Interesting Times, pg. 16-7

Besides that, the bandy-legged orangutan, large flamboyant cheek pads conspicuously absent, usually occupies the chandelier at College Council meetings.

The Luggage

The Luggage was Rincewind’s faithful companion until the two traveled to the Agatean Empire, where the Luggage had been a tree. In the Agatean Empire, there were lots of Luggages, all (like the Luggage) made of sapient pearwood and all (like the Luggage) with lots and lots of feet.

The Luggage backed away. It was used to terror, horror, fear, and panic. It had seldom encountered interest before. [Interesting Times, pg. 42]

Since the Luggage in question cannot see, feel, or think (except in the limited way wood can), how it met the female Luggage and carpentered its family is a mystery. At least one of his four children, however, seem to have inherited his belligerent nature.

Ly Tin Wheedle

The Agatean philospher Ly Tin Wheedle is revered enough on the Counterweight Continent to have had a bronze likeness erected in the palace. His many aphorisms include “an ass may do the work of an ox in a time of no horses” and “when many expect a mighty stallion they will find hooves on an ant.”

According to the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle, chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized. [Interesting Times, pg.4]

The Mad Bishop of Pseudopolis

The Mad Bishop of Pseudopolis was killed by the barbarian Boy Willie.

Modo

Modo is a dwarfish Unseen University bledlow.

Slasher Mungo

Slasher Mungo’s head was last seen in Skund. No mention of where the rest of him was.

Lord Nine Mountains

Lord Nine Mountains is a member of the Hunghung court, where your status is shown by your hat. Unfortunately for Nine Mountains, his status seems to be in flux, since sometimes his hat is big and pink, and other times black with a red button. But since Lord Nine Mountains died of poison (badger-nose, bulk, and all) the question is largely irrelevant.

Nine Orange Trees

Nine Orange Trees is a Hunghung guard.

Captain Nong

Captain Nong, on of Lord Fang’s subordinates met his demise at the hands (feet?) of the Luggage and his fledgling family.

Big Nurter

Though tough Nurter once killed six trolls single-handedly, he choked on a fishbone and died over his gruel.

Offler

Offler, the crocodile god, mumbles through his fangs. He hates playing games where everyone dies at the end.

One Big River

One Big River was named after the Hung river, for his size. He failed the intelligence test to become a tsimo wrestler, so instead became a Hunghung night guard, where his predisposition to do as told and never be bored came in handy.

One Favorite Pearl

One Favorite Pearl, squeaky toy rabbit in tow, is a member of the Hunghung cadre of the Red Army. Despite her age she has won a medal for putting up posters.

Emperor One Sun Mirror

One Sun Mirror, the legendary Agatean leader with the Great Wizard at his side, was the first to unify the Agatean Empire from a thousand warring tribes, tiny countries, and island nations. It was in his reign the Great Wall was built, too.

This [tomb] simply said, in pictograms: One Sun Mirror.

There wasn’t anything about mighty conquests. There was no lilst of his tremendous achievements. There was nothing down there about wisdom or being the father of his people. There was no explanation. Whoever knows this name, it seemed to say, knows everything. [Interesting Times, pg. 319]

For all his military conquests, his statue makes him look ordinary, with a small round hat and a small round shield and an expression completely void of fear. He also designed a garden in the Forbidden City.

One Sun Mirror came [to the garden] to refresh his soul and dwell upon the essential unity of all things, while drinking wine out of the skull of some enemy or possibly a gardener who had been too clumsy with his rake. [Interesting Times, pg. 164]

One Tzu Sung

One Tzu Sun is a possible author of the Agatean Art of War.

Panic

Panic is War’s son.

Lady Peach Petal

A member of the Agatean royal court.

Emperor P’gi Su

An ancient emperor of the Agatean empire.

Organdy Sloggo

Organdy Sloggo died of “metal poisoning”–that is, three swords through the stomach.

Mustrum Ridcully

Mustrum Ridcully is the Archchancellor of the Unseen University, and therefore necessarily possesses a large and efficient, though unimaginative, brain. The large wizard is not duplicitous, nor particularly understanding of it, and is lost altogether with sarcasm. He manages the University without looking at any papers, since something people have time to write down can’t be important.

A less direct Archchancellor would have wandered around looking for everyone. His policy was to find one person and make their life difficult until everything happened the way he wanted it to. [Interesting Times, pg. 15]

Despite his size, Ridcully walks extraordinarily silently and once won a pair of boots as a Rowing Brown for the Unseen University as a student. He also dislikes the Dean and foreign food.

Rincewind

Rincewind has completely failed to become a proper wizard, even achieving a negative grade in Basic Firemaking as a student at the Unseen University. However, since he isn’t good at anything for any profession, he insists on wearing a hat with the label “wizzard,” and even has the perfunctory beard.

“Rincewind is a bloody nuisance! A complete and utter disgrace to wizardry! A fool! A failure!” [Interesting Times, pg. 21]

As a student at the Unseen University, Rincewind worked a brief stint as deputy Librarian. His talent for languages brought him to Twoflower, who then returned to the Counterweight Continent where he wrote a book in which Rincewind figured largely as the great wizard, and further adventures ensue. In fact, his life seems to be nothing awakenings but adventures, which has given Rincewind an interesting life philosophy:

• Boredom is the best part of life
• There is a mirror Rincewind who has led a perfect life, and the real Rincewind hates him
• When people are nice something bad will happen soon afterward
• There are no causes worth dying for

The root problem, Rincewind had come to believe, was that he suffered from pre-emptive karma. If it even looked as though something nice was going to happen to him in the near future, something bad would happen right now. And it went on happening to him right through the part where the good stuff should be happening, so that he never actually experienced it. It was as if he always got the indigestion before the meal and felt so dreadful that he never actually managed to eat anything. [Interesting Times, pg. 45]

Nearly all of Rincewind’s adult life has been spent on adventures, so he is nearly never happy. He’s become quite an experienced coward. As Cohen says, Rincewind is a “weasely man with words in a tight spot.” But Rincewind’s most effective means of avoiding trouble is his ability to run. He has an interesting running philosophy too:

• Run from something, not to something else
• Running trumps hiding
• First, dash wildly and madly away to get out of immediate danger; second, use solid, steady strides to get as far away as possible
• Being far away from danger is better than wearing armor right up close

The floors screamed under him, and behind him someone screamed Rincewind’s nickname, which was: “Don’t let him get away!”

Let me get away, Rincewind prayed, oh, please, let me get away.

He slipped as he turned the corner, skidded through a paper wall and landed in an ornamentalfish pond. But Rincewind in full flight had catlike, even messianic abilities. The water barely rippled under his feet as he bounced off the surface and headed away. [Interesting Times, pg. 226-7]

He also feels the need to fart when scared, though that doesn’t help much.

Rincewind. He’s incompetent. He’s spineless. He’s always at the bottom of any social heap. He weights slightly less than 125 pounds. He has limited sexual experience. He last remembers thinking clearly when he was twelve. He’s even been called Kangaroo Bloke.

“He survives. You keep on telling’ me he’s had all these adventures and he’s still alive.”

“What do you mean? He’s got scars all over him!”

“My point exactly, Dean. Most of ‘em on his back, too. He leaves trouble behind.” [Interesting Times, pg. 33-4]

Ronald Saveloy

Called “Teach” by his fellow members of the Silver Horde (he used to teach geography), Ronald Saveloy is a slightly goat-faced former geography and alchemy teacher, complete with orthopedic sandals.

Teach turned out to be a tall, stick-like man with an amiably absentminded expression and a fringe of white hair so that, when viewed from above, he would appear to be a daisy. [Interesting Times, pg. 87]

The avid reader is a very intellectual – he can read and speak passable Agatean, geography is his hobby, and he collects fossils–but has spent all his life worrying about What Other People Will Think. He thus seems an odd match for the rest of the barbarian horde, but it is just the fact that the horde doesn’t worry much at all that attracts him to their lifestyle.

“What’s there to talk about with a woman?” [Caleb the Ripper said.]

Mr. Saveloy hesitated again. To some extent this was unknown territory to him as well … He was struggling a little.
“The weather?” he hazarded. His memory threw in vague recollections of the staple conversation of the maiden aunt who had brought him up. “Her health? The trouble with young people today?” [Interesting Times, pg. 148]

Saveloy first came across the Silver Horde when he was fossil-hunting, and turned their attention to the riches of the Agatean Empire. In the adventures that follow, he fights in his first battle and has is first berserk rage, in which it becomes clear that what he really hates are sports masters, headmasters, and boys who chew gum. Unfortunately for him, he was the victim of circumstance and died when a Barking Dog exploded in his direction. He continues to live on as a barbarian teacher though–as Ronald the Apologetic, he went to the barbarian’s heaven of quaffing and carousing, and suggests starting evening classes in table manners.

Mr. Schism

Mr. Schism teaches practical alchemy at the Alchemist’s Guild. He once blew himself up and was on sick leave for one term.

Senior Wrangler of the Unseen University

An Unseen University wizard.

Seven Lucky Logs

Seven Lucky Logs is a peasant in Langtang in the Agatean Empire.

Six Beneficent Winds

Under the Sun Emperor, Six Beneficent Winds was Deputy District Administrator for the Langtang District. When Cohen invaded the Forbidden City, however, he abandoned that job to become a barbarian accountant, with the title “Lord High Chief Tax Gatherer.”

His grandfather was an expert at Shibo Yangcong-san in the same way the barbarians are experts at living through battle.

He was not a wicked man.

True, he had the same sense of humor as a chicken casserole. True, he played the accordion for amusement, and disliked cats intensely, and had a habit of dabbing his upper lip with his napkin after his tea ceremony in a way that had made Mrs. Beneficent Winds commit murder in her mind on a regular basis over the years. And he kept his money in a small leather shovel purse, and he counted it out very thoroughly whenever he made a purchase, especially if there was a queue behind him.
But on the other hand, he was kind to animals and made small but regular contributions to charity. He frequently gave moderate sums to beggars in the street, although he made a note of this in the little notebook he always carried to remind him to visit them in his official capacity later on. [Interesting Times]

Mad Lord Snapcase

Hung by his figgin as a direct result of making Spooner Boggis eat his own nose, though his years of nastiness had all built up to contrive against him in that memorable rebellion.

Ponder Stibbons

Ponder Stibbons, the youngest and smartest of the Unseen University faculty, is a genius – but not very good at explaining things, especially to the other wizards. He and a few students built Hex.

The Sun Emperor

The Sun Emperor was an old, incredibly cruel Agatean emperor before he was assassinated in Interesting Times in an attempt to instigate a civil war. This “Lord of Heaven” was bed-ridden, old, and ill-looking. His face was pale and greenish, and his veins pop out. The “Pillar of Sky” had a laugh like a bunch of rabbits choking to death. The “Great River of Blessings” likes to play chess – with live pieces – and is called “o Great One” by his subjects.

“You know how common kids go through a stage of pulling the wings off flies? … He is an Emperor. No one ever dared tell him it was wrong. It’s just a matter of, you know, scaling up … No one has ever told him that it’s not right to keep killing people for fun. At least, no one who has ever managed to get to the end of the first sentence.” [Interesting Times]

Lord Tang

Lord Tang, head of one of the five powerful families of the Counterweight Continent, is a man of cowed and crabbed honor, and, as is rare among people of his status, listens to what peasants say. For all that, however, he once quarreled with Lord Hong, which caused destruction of a few streets and Mrs. Twoflower’s death.

Terror

Terror is a son of War.

Thog the Butcher

Thog the Butcher is such an old barbarian hero that he has to go the bathroom every ten minutes.

Three High Trees

Three High Trees is a captain under Lord Hong.

Three Maximum Luck

While Three Maximum Luck was a prisoner, he witnessed Rincewind’s ungraceful entrance to the Agatean Empire.

Three Pink Pig

Three Pink Pig is a small, pale, vulnerable private in the Agatean warlords’ army. He usually conveniently deserts the army in time for battle and rejoins in the revel afterward.

Three Sun Sung

Three Sun Sung is often thought to be a possible author of the Agatean Art of War.

Three Yoked Oxen

This large revolutionary is a member of the Hunghung cadre of the Red Army. He speaks in polite revolutionary slogans, like “Timely Demise To All Enemies” and “Forward Motion With Masses” and “Extra Success Attend Our Leaders” and “Much Ownership of Means of Proudction.”

Corporal Toshi

Toshi is a corporal of the Agatean warlords’ armies.

Truckle the Uncivil

Truckle the Uncivil has an event-filled history, as only a barbarian can. Before becoming Silver Horde member, Truckle once discovered the Lost City of Ee and owned a dog named Rover (who had a spiked collar and ate people). He also attained walking sticks, one with “LOVE” written on it, the other with “HATE.”

Adrian Turnipseed

Adrian Turnipseed is one of those keen students who helps out with the Unseen University’s computer, Hex. Curious, he once posed the question “Why?” (to which Hex laboriously produced “Because”) and “Why anything?” (to which Hex answered “Because Everything.” and subsequently crashed.)

Two Fire Herb

Two Fire Herb, though secretly under Lord Hong’s command, was a member of the juvenile Hunghung cadre of the Red Army. The two-timer has fishy-looking eyes with tiny pupils set in a ugly podgy face.

Twoflower

Twoflower is described by the Ankh-Morpork citizenry as “a strange little man in glasses,” and understandably so. He’s a small man with huge spectacles, a wispy beard, and a big trusting smile. The happy, smiling, gullible, and above all innocent little man brings trouble for everyone with him (though he never wants to cause trouble). He has selective hearing and no concept of sarcasm, and many of his acquaintances think his life has been basically good, but Twoflower’s wife was killed in a dispute between two Agatean warlords in Bes Pelargic, leaving him with his two daughters (Pretty Butterfly and Lotus Blossom). His famous visit to Ankh-Morpork spawned a revolutionary movement when he returned to the Agatean Empire and wrote a book about his travels, called What I Did On My Holidays.

Twoflower had been quite unable to believe that the world was a bad place and that was largely because, to him, it wasn’t. [Interesting Times, pg. 109]

Mrs. Twoflower

Mrs. Twoflower was killed in a dispute between to Agatean warlords.

Lotus Blossom Twoflower

Lotus Blossom is the youngest, very pretty daughter of Twoflower’s family.

Pretty Butterfly Twoflower

Pretty Butterfly is a round-faced, snub-nosed young woman with delicate hands. Despite her fragile appearance, she is remarkably smart and a ladylike but effective fighter, and will dress up in whatever costume (including that of a guard and a Noh actor) best fits her mission.

Two Little Wang

Two Little Wang became Master of Protocol by mastering origami, calligraphy, flower arranging, and the Five Wonderful Forms of Poetry.

Lady Two Streams

Lady Two Streams is a skinny member of the Emperor’s court with a face like a bunch of hatpins.

Lord Vetinary

As the patrician of Ankh-Morpork, he is the supreme ruler – he’s the man, and he’s got the vote.

Old Vincent

This eighty-seven-year-old barbarian suffers from memory problems, a serious thing when, in the barbarian trade, you can’t remember what you were supposed to set fire to. Now a member of Cohen’s Siilver Horde, Old Vincent’s exploits include a shipwreck on the mysterious continent of Xxxx.

Voltan the Indestructible

Voltan the Indestructible was eventually destructed. He’s dead.

War

As one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, War’s family may seem surprising. He takes his daughter, Clancy, and his two sons Terror and Panic on some excursions.

Mr. Whu

An Agatean citizen.

Wilkins

Wilkins is a young thief apprentice under the training of Mr. Boggis.

Boy Willie

Boy Willie, an old, dehydrated, wrinkled, thick-soled-boot-wearing barbarian, is a member of Cohen’s Silver Horde.